Feminist Chicks Dig He
by Brassy Bane
Summary: What if the spark that ignited Eowyn and Faramir's love was...Boromir. Why would Eowyn drop the warrioress thing to tend gardens in Ithilien? Faramir isn't that hot! There had to be another reason...
1. Default Chapter

What if the spark that ignited Eowyn's and Faramir's love was...Boromir! I was really peeved that Eowyn dropped the warrioress act to tend gardens and heal hearts in Ithilien, Faramir is not that hot! There had to be another reason why...  
  
Contrary to tone of my description, this is not a humorous fic. It is my first serious fic, actually. No longer can I hid my ineptitude behind cliched parodizing and zany characterizations. Writing this story almost made me cry, and I hope I can convey some of that emotion in my clumsy prose.  
  
I did my best research for this fic, trying to make it canon, I even read the Silmarillion (which didn't help at all). Anyway I had to write these ideas down before I finished my research, and hence there is a MAJOR plot hole! So this fic is practically alternate universe but once you get up to LOTR time, the events are basically the same. I assume you have at least seen the movie so I will not go over it in my story unless I am changing something.  
  
Lastly, no I will not tell you what the anomaly is, figure it out on your own and tell me. I need feedback!  
  
Hint: an index from the LOTR would be helpful. 


	2. Attack!

Chapter 1: Attack!  
  
If you can find something to rant about in this chapter I will give you...absolutely nothing!  
  
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Eomund sidled up to the charred remnants of a horse pen. The scout was right, it looked like the labor of orcs. Fortunately, it appeared the people of East Emnet had been left alone, for but a short mile away from where their horses were once kept, a village glowed merrily in the gathering dusk. Smoke piped out the chimneys and the windows shone with candlelight, a beacon to mariners on a sea of grass.  
  
"We can catch them before nightfall." Eomund said.  
  
"But the children, my lord?"  
  
"If they couldn't take the village they must be few and weak. It will be good for my offspring to see how we deal with horse-thieves on the Riddermark!"  
  
*****************  
  
As the Rohirrim of the Eastfold approached Emyn Muil, they still saw no manifestation of the orcs they were tracking. They stopped. Horses neighed nervously. Eomund gave a few last instructions to his men, then he turned to his children.  
  
"Always stay on your horse. Eomer, feel free to fire a few shots if you can do so without hitting any of our own, but your first duty is to guard your sister."  
  
Suddenly, the orcs were upon them. The "few" orcs that had been unable to take a village seemed to multiply in the night air. Eomer and Eowyn kept their ponies at the hindquarters of their father's great horse, Felaróf II. Eomer hit a few orcs with his little arrows, but if the arrows of the Marksmen were of little avail in deterring these orcs, his were less. There was much shouting and confusion. The Rohirrim did not expect so many orcs. It appeared that the orcs were not only brawnier than most but craftier, it was clearly a trap set for Eomund because he was an orc-hunter of great prowess whom they hated above all else.  
  
When Eomund became overwhelmed, Eowyn, scrambled from her pony to his horse and smote an orc who was about to stab her father in the back. Another orc took its place and pulled her off of the horse. When she screamed Eomund slid off his horse to grab her back, a foolish move, but he could not chance losing his daughter. Eomund found her midst many trampling feet and put her back upon Felaróf II, for her pony had been taken by orcs. Eomer was heavily pressed in as well, so Eomund instructed him to join Eowyn.  
  
"Ride for the Entwash, take refuge with any people you find."  
  
He hied the horse off before his children could protest. Eomer and Eowyn hadn't ridden far when they found another wave of orcs coming from the west. They turned south to cross the Entwash. It was hard going through fens, but they lost all pursuers.  
  
"Perhaps we can find some men in Sunlending who will help our father," Eomer said, and they rode ever harder towards the Anduin.  
  
Night turned into day, day into night, and the great horse of Eomund did not falter, but the children grew weak. Even as Eomer's grip on the reins slacked, the horse ran straight. Eomer grew delirious from lack of food and water, and lost his balance. He would have slid off the horse had not Eowyn caught him. She held him in the crook of her arm and took the reins.  
  
As she espied a part of the river where it appeared to divide in two, she had doubts about where they were. She could not remember the Anduin ever splitting.  
  
"Felaróf, if only you could tell me where we are, for I am certain we are lost." she cried.  
  
She was beginning to feel quite dizzy herself, when from out of the river- spray, a bridge appeared.  
  
Reviewers/flamers, start your engines.  
  
Hint: What kind of psycho would take his kids on an orc hunting party? 


	3. Refuge

Chapter 2: Refuge  
  
If you can find a flaw, you may get an answer!  
  
*************  
  
The bridge was a small contraption of rope and wood. She tethered their horse to a tree and slung Eomer about her shoulders. The bridge swung precariously as she stumbled across it. At the gate to the isle of Cair Andros she knocked, and a guard answered.  
  
"Who goes there?"  
  
"Eowyn and Eomer son of Eomund or Eastfold, Marshall of Mark in Rohan"  
  
"Rohan! What business do Rohirrim have here?"  
  
"We come to ask for aid, our father was attacked by orcs. Please..." Eowyn faltered, nearly swaying off the bridge.  
  
The guard, thoroughly dismayed, opened the gates. Another guard rushed out to carry the children in. The wife of Denethor, called Queen Finduilas, who happened to be visiting, was called to pass judgment. As Finduilas arrived with her sons, Eowyn awoke.  
  
"Take the boy to the healers. I will speak with the girl" the Queen commanded.  
  
Eowyn told the Finduilas their story.  
  
"May I see my brother now?" Eowyn asked.  
  
"Faramir, I leave her in your care. Let her see the sights, but do not take her to the healer's tent, it would only serve to distress her." The Queen spoke as if Eowyn wasn't there.  
  
Boromir began to walk towards the heart of the encampment and Faramir followed. Faramir always followed ... for Boromir was his elder brother, even if their mother refused to recognize him.  
  
"Why are we going this way? Wouldn't she rather see the bow?" Faramir turned to Eowyn "It is quite pretty in the dawn."  
  
Boromir led them into the mess hall.  
  
"Hungry?"  
  
Eowyn nodded vigorously. Boromir brought her a bowl of porridge. After a few spoonfuls, Eowyn spoke.  
  
"Thank you. This tastes wonderful, I am sure my brother would like it too. Might we take some to him?"  
  
"No, you remember what Mother said" Faramir cautioned.  
  
"Brother," Boromir countered "The Queen cares not for our friend Eowyn's well-being. She only wishes to keep them separate so she might break them and learn from them the secrets of Rohan. If Rohan even has any."  
  
Eowyn clenched her jaw but the brothers didn't notice.  
  
"Oh, in that case, I suppose we shouldn't listen to Mother" Faramir spoke hesitantly of disobeying their mother.  
  
"Yes, I suppose so."  
  
Eowyn smiled. The three began walking towards the stern, where the healer's tent was pitched on a high bank, but halfway up the long slope Eowyn fainted. At that unfortunate moment, Queen Finduilas met them. She was coming down from talking to Eomer.  
  
"Foolish boy" she raged "I told you not to try and bring her here. Now look at what you have done!"  
  
Faramir hung his head in shame but Boromir spoke up.  
  
"Why did you not send her to the healers right away? For surely she was as weakened by long riding as her brother."  
  
"You," said the Queen "I should have suspected you were responsible for this subversion."  
  
Boromir gallantly scooped Eowyn up into his arms and ran the remaining way up to the healer's tent. Finduilas turned to follow him.  
  
"Mother, please don't." Faramir begged kindness of her.  
  
"Don't what? What do you think I am going to do? I am merely going to make sure she is all right. What else would you expect of your Mother?"  
  
Boromir laid Eowyn on a bed next to her brother. He knelt by her side, holding her hand whilst the healers worked, and through the night.  
  
Dear Reviewers, that was a short chapter but I have faith in you! 


	4. Boromir in Love

Chapter 3: Boromir In Love  
  
Find a flaw, get mentioned in next chappie!  
  
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Boromir must have dozed off toward morning, for when he awoke, Eowyn was smiling at her brother and for all the world looking like an angel in the sun. Then she turned to smile at Boromir.  
  
"Thank you" she said.  
  
"You are welcome" Queen Finduilas replied. "Any time Theoden wishes to spy on the arms of Gondor, he need only send us injured children." Calling Faramir to her, she said to him "When they wish to leave the healers, you will escort them."  
  
Eomer and Eowyn scowled as the Queen left.  
  
"I am feeling much better now. How about you?" Eomer asked Eowyn.  
  
"Well enough to ride" she chirped.  
  
"Oh no you don't. Neither of you will be ready to make any sort of journey for at least a week." A healer interrupted.  
  
"Couldn't we just take a walk around?"  
  
"I suppose, with Faramir as the Queen said."  
  
So Eomer, Eowyn, Faramir and Boromir set out to explore the island. They became fast friends and were a source of great amusement for the army of Finduilas.  
  
"How are the little lords and lady this fine evening?" one would ask.  
  
"Very well, thank you sir." Eowyn would reply, batting her eyelashes for their benefit.  
  
When Faramir finally got to take Eowyn to the bow, he explained "This island is called Cair Andros, which means ship of long-foam in Elven, because it is shaped like a ship. At the bow, the Anduin breaks against many rocks, making foam."  
  
"What I don't understand" Eomer said, "is what you and Queen Finduilas are doing here."  
  
"Even we do not know" Faramir replied.  
  
"I suspect it is being fortified against Mordor, as a last stronghold if Minas Tirith is taken." Boromir provided.  
  
"Minas Tirith taken?!" Faramir gasped in horror.  
  
"Lets not speak of that" Eowyn said "I have another question. How is it that your mother is a queen? I thought there were no kings in Gondor, only Stewards."  
  
"The Stewards line comes from the same high lords of Numenor that beget Isildur. While the Kings line became mingled with that of lesser men, our remained strong. Hence, when the line of Kings was broken, the heirarchy of the Stewards took its place."  
  
Eomer and Eowyn didn't look convinced, so Faramir continued.  
  
"Many times were the ancient codes for kingship broken in Gondor, eldest daughters were ignored and evil sons usurped. The Stewards line is much purer, and an excellent choice for the another line. After all, the line of Kings in Rohan is not the first, is it?"  
  
Eomer bristled.  
  
"You have shown us much kindness, but we must be going back to Eorlingas now."  
  
Boromir turned earnestly to Eowyn.  
  
"Even were I the son of a king, still your beauty and bravery would amaze me. But I fear I will never see you again once you depart for Rohan."  
  
Eowyn teared and turned away.  
  
Eomer softened, for he liked Boromir. He drew Boromir aside and spoke hesitantly.  
  
"There is a way, if you were betrothed now, as the sons and daughters of nobles often are, you may get to visit each other when you come of age."  
  
"That is long, but better than nought. I will speak to Finduilas tonight and ... thank you, Eomer."  
  
**********  
  
Bananas abound, R&R. 


	5. Ship of Long Foam

Chapter 4: Ship of Long Foam  
  
More evil Finduilas! Any ideas on how to indent, or make the speaking parts better? I am so used to movie verse that I don't know if I remember proper grammar for quotations.  
  
*************  
  
At the evening meal, Boromir approached the head where the Queen sat, dragging Eowyn behind him. Eomer and Faramir thronged over.  
  
"Fin...Queen Finduilas, I have something to ask of you." Boromir said.  
  
"It had better not be small."  
  
"It concerns nothing of yours."  
  
"Then I hope you are not wasting my time."  
  
"I , I would be betrothed to Eowyn..."  
  
Eowyn turned her face to him in shock.  
  
"...That is, if she would have it." Boromir implored.  
  
"Foolish children, that is not a decision for you to make. That is the right of you father Denethor and Theoden, mother-brother of Eowyn."  
  
"What do you mean, Theoden!" Eomer sputtered.  
  
"Since your father is dead..."  
  
"Liar! How could you know?"  
  
Finduilas sneered.  
  
"Even your mother does not know yet, but when she does she will assume you are dead too. I suspect the grief will be enough to kill the pathetic creature."  
  
"Eowyn, we must leave this miserable isle tonight!" Eomer grabbed her away from Boromir. They ran towards the gate, across to bridge to where their horse had been stabled, Eowyn sobbing the whole way.  
  
**************  
  
Boromir tried to follow, but Finduilas had her guards stop him.  
  
"Would you keep your 'love' from home and family Surely you cannot even imagine me doing such a cruel thing."  
  
"Why did you say that to her?!" Boromir screamed.  
  
"It was the truth as I saw it. Furthermore, that was the most atrocious match I ever heard of. You are much too old for her."  
  
"Why, surely Eomer is of Faramir's age, and Eowyn not much younger." Boromir reasoned.  
  
"Eowyn is nearly a score younger than you. The Children of Twilight grow up much faster than we do, and die much sooner. Eowyn has the height of the women of Lossarnach, but not their years. Had you precocious elf in your blood, you would be mature enough to realize this."  
  
"You cannot kill our love."  
  
"I am only trying to help you but your father has so poisoned your mind against me. What should I say to your declaration: Nor you? If only I, the cruel foreign mother, could kill my meddling eldest son and his love. Ha, children! Believe what you will."  
  
************  
  
By the light of the moon, Finduilas made her way to the prow of the isle. Denethor had summoned her back to the prison of white stone. If the children had waited one more day she could have accompanied them to the Great West Road. But children were so foolish and naïve. Eowyn would delight rather in travelling all the way to the famed Minas Tirith. What young girl wouldn't? She would. She did.  
  
If only this isle really were a ship, I would turn it around and sail for the sea. The sea, Belfalas...what a fine mariner I would make...and then Dol Amroth!  
  
*************  
  
That is the end of Part 1: First Meeting. I will try to update as soon as possible. 


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